And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
