he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
