I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
