I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
