Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Randomize
