I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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