It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
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