Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
sarcasm needs its own font
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
