No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
