Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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