As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
