I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
