Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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