thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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