he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
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well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
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Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old