it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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