fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?