I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.