You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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