Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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