I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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