there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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