So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
