Me too!
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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