Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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