just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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