She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
