it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
did i just pee glitter
These tits shall not be calmed
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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