we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
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