Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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