for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
