I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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