dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
