i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i love accidental penises.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
