it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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