Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
