Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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