and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
