to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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