i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
