do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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