FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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