I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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