I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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