ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
