it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
