Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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