we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
