Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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