mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
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Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
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Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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