names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
