nut hugger
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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