I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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