I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
