He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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