Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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