You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You are the jesus of drinking
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
