so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
