I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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