wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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