Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
