you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i was born a porn star she said
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
