I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
