just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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