oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
