life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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